In a surprise move, the White House announced today that the president has appointed Karl Rove to lead the effort to implement what he?s calling The New New Deal. ?I?m tired of hearing how the Roosevelts saved the nation,? said Mr. Bush in a Rose Garden ceremony flanked by Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff, and Mr. Rove. ?If we?re going to have real security in our country, we need contented folks, not looters floating down Canal St. in a plywood raft. We?ve seen the chickens come home to roost, and we?re agin? it,? Mr. Bushed drawled. ?You ask me how we?re going to pay for our program? Simple: We?re going to cut the prescription drug benefit and we?re going to double taxes on citizens making more than 2 million a year. We don?t think this will be an undue hardship on our richest folks. We?re about to prove we can fight the war on terror, the war on drugs, the war on personal freedom, and the war on natural disaster at the same time. My predecessors, including Presidents Roosevelt, Stevenson, Kennedy and Johnson knew how to bring the country together, and I do not shrink from my responsibility as your commander in chief. Any questions??

?Mr.President, are you implying that Adlai Stevenson was elected president??

?How?s that? Of course he was; my granddaddy Prescott Bush served as his minister of culture.?

?Oh??

?You betcha. Any other questions??

?Mr.President, isn?t this a reversal of your tax-cutting plan??

?Let?s not start the blame game. We?ll have plenty of time to let think tanks study the world?s contradictions. My administration is dedicated to the peace, security and freedom of the entire world. We can do it. I?m a generous man; the United States is a generous nation. We owe it to ourselves to make small sacrifices for the benefit of our underprivileged citizens.

?And my good friend Karl Rove, who has amassed volumes of unfair criticism, has agreed to spearhead our New New Deal. This will mean school vouchers for our poorest children, soup kitchens in every town affected by the recent hurricanes, and free mountain bikes for citizens who can?t afford cars.

?Karl, would you like to say something to the press??

?No, Mr. President, you?ve about covered everything.?

?Thank you, Karl. Doing a heck of a job. Mr. Chertoff??

?I?d just like to say, Mr.President, that the levees at the 19th St. Canal are holding. The Army Corps of Engineers has finally done its job, proving that government can transcend the incompetence for which it is justly infamous. And you are to be congratulated, Mr. President, for personally coming to the rescue of our great nation.?

?Thanks, Mike. Doing a heck of a job. Good day, ladies and gentleman, and God Bless America.?